Have a Gender (British Agendas)

Or: The Day a British Accent Accidentally Invented a New Social Science

I was listening to a podcast recently when one of the hosts, a very British gentleman, said something along the lines of:

“Some people might suspect that he may have agendas.”

Except he was British.

So what I heard was:

“Some people might suspect that he may have a gender.”

And suddenly my brain left the podcast entirely.

Because once you hear it, you can’t unhear it.

What if agendas worked like genders?

What if people didn’t merely have agendas?

What if agendas were identities?

What if universities offered degrees in Agenda Studies?

What if HR departments had mandatory agenda awareness training?

What if social media profiles included your preferred agenda designation?

What if people spent years discovering their authentic agenda?

I immediately began imagining a world where everyone’s personal schemes, motivations, and secret plans were treated with the same vocabulary we use for identity.

And honestly?

It got weird fast.

Understanding Agenda Identity

Agenda identity is a person’s deeply held internal sense of what they’re trying to accomplish.

Not what they’re actually accomplishing.

What they’re trying to accomplish.

For example:

You may appear to have a “Get Through The Day” agenda.

But internally you identify as a “World Domination” agenda.

Only you can know your authentic agenda.

Others should not presume your agenda.

That’s agenda assignment.

And we don’t do that anymore.

Common Agenda Terms

Agenda Fluid

Someone whose objectives change over time.

Monday:
“I will launch a business.”

Wednesday:
“I will become a professional drummer.”

Friday:
“I shall live in a cabin and speak to no one.”

Their agenda journey is valid.

Agenda Expression

How your agenda presents itself to the world.

Examples include:

• Color-coded spreadsheets

• Vision boards

• Five-year plans

• Whiteboards covered in arrows

• Saying “trust me” before explaining absolutely nothing

Agenda expression does not necessarily reflect agenda identity.

This is Agenda Studies 101.

Agenda Non-Conforming

A person who rejects traditional planning structures.

They refuse calendars.

They ignore reminders.

They answer “What are your goals?” with “We’ll see.”

Society may not understand them.

But they are living their truth.

Agenda Expansive

People whose plans are simply too large for conventional categorization.

Examples include:

• Opening six businesses simultaneously

• Learning seventeen instruments

• Starting a podcast, YouTube channel, newsletter, and food truck in the same week

• Having a vision board that requires three additional vision boards

Agenda Roles

Traditional society assigns agenda roles.

The Responsible Agenda:
Pays bills.

The Chaos Agenda:
Creates problems.

The Spreadsheet Agenda:
Tracks problems.

The Optimist Agenda:
Believes problems will solve themselves.

The Executive Agenda:
Creates meetings.

The Meeting Agenda:
Creates more meetings.

The Retirement Agenda:
Wants no part of any of this.

Many people are now rejecting these outdated agenda roles.

Agenda Pronouns

Please respect people’s preferred agenda pronouns.

Examples include:

Plan/Plans

Scheme/Schemes

Plot/Plots

Goal/Goals

Busy/Busier

Or the increasingly common:

Leave/Me/Alone

Agenda Bias

Agenda bias remains a serious issue.

People with organized agendas are often privileged over people with spontaneous agendas.

Society still treats “I have a strategic roadmap” differently than “I have a vague feeling.”

Both are valid planning experiences.

The Agenda Gap

The agenda gap is the measurable distance between:

“What I intended to do”

and

“What actually happened.”

Researchers estimate this distance can reach several thousand miles.

Particularly on weekends.

Creating Agenda-Inclusive Spaces

Experts recommend making spaces more agenda-inclusive.

Avoid assumptions.

Do not ask people why they have their agenda.

Do not demand they explain their agenda.

Do not tell them their agenda is “just a phase.”

And above all:

Never assume someone’s agenda based solely on their appearance.

The guy with three monitors may be running an empire.

Or watching cat videos.

You simply don’t know.

Final Thoughts

The original podcast host, of course, said “agendas.”

But for one brief moment I heard “genders.”

And that accidental misunderstanding opened the door to an entire imaginary civilization dedicated to understanding, expressing, affirming, celebrating, and occasionally weaponizing personal plans.

Which, now that I think about it, may not be entirely imaginary.

After all, if somebody tells you they don’t have an agenda…

That’s probably their agenda.