Max's Miracle Emporium Florin · Miracle Worker · Sandwich Artist · Open when Max feels like it ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ · 4.2 miles · $2.99 delivery
"We make miracles. We also make sandwiches. The sandwiches are more reliable." — Max
MENU
THE MLT · $14.99 Mutton, lettuce and tomato. The mutton is lean, the tomato is ripe, and the lettuce is — and this is the part that matters — fresh. Not wilted. Not yesterday's. Fresh. Max will not serve it otherwise. Max has sent back three tomatoes this week alone. Valerie thinks this is excessive. Max thinks Valerie is wrong.
"A MLT where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky." — Max, unprompted, to everyone
THE CHOCOLATE MIRACLE · $8.99 A chocolate pill. Do not ask what is inside. It is hope. It is also herbs. It is primarily hope. One size. One use. Results vary depending on how mostly dead you are at time of consumption.
Not eligible for DoorDash refund if recipient is fully dead at time of delivery. Mostly dead is fine. Please specify at checkout.
ADD ONS
- Extra tomato · $0.99 (ripe, obviously)
- Holocaust Cloak · $84.99 (add to any order, fulfilled separately, Valerie handles shipping)
- Valerie's Opinion · $0.00 (comes with every order whether you want it or not)
About Max's Miracle Emporium
Miracle Max is a former King's Miracle Man currently operating independently following what he describes as an unjust professional separation and what the King describes as a termination for cause. Max describes it differently. Valerie describes it accurately but Max has asked her not to.
The MLT has been on the menu since the beginning. It has never changed. It will never change. If you ask Max to change it he will ask you to leave and then make you the sandwich anyway because he wants you to have the sandwich.
We are not currently accepting five star reviews from people named Humperdinck. The system will accept them. Max will not.
Recent Reviews
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "The MLT was everything he said it was. The mutton was lean. I don't know how to explain how much that mattered in that moment." — W. the Dread Pirate Roberts, recovered
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Valerie's opinion came with the order as described. She was right. She is always right. Max knows." — Inigo Montoya
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Five stars for the sandwich. Five stars for the man. He pretended not to care that we came back to tell him. He cared." — Buttercup, Florin
© Max's Miracle Emporium · As you wish · Delivery time estimated but not guaranteed · Miracles take as long as they take