Reviews › Pink Parasol Night Club & Bath House review by Charles Winchester
Pink Parasol Night Club & Bath House review by Charles Winchester
Reviewer
Charles Emerson Winchester III
Category
Service
Episode
Mr. and Mrs. Who?
Report
One is occasionally compelled by the exigencies of military service to endure certain provincial destinations, and Tokyo—despite its superficial gloss—unfortunately contains pockets of rank vulgarity. The Pink Parasol is less a night club and more an abyss of unchaperoned hedonism. It is a true disgrace to the concept of civil recreation.
I visited this venue under circumstances I can only describe as a temporary lapse of judgment, driven, perhaps, by a medically necessary need to purge the sensory horrors of the 4077th. What transpired during my tenure there remains, mercifully, a black hole of memory—a state of amnesia I can only attribute to the establishment’s inexcusably potent, and likely unadulterated, beverage service. I have endured worse cocktails from those two rustic cretins in my tent, but at least their disastrous brews don't precipitate a constitutional crisis.
Upon returning to the base—in a condition I shall not dignify by describing—I was subjected to the most egregious invasion of privacy imaginable by my alleged roommates, Hawkeye Pierce and B.J. Hunnicutt. They plundered my effects while I was physically incapable of defense, discovering incontrovertible evidence of a ceremonial lapse: a document indicating that, under the noxious influence of the Pink Parasol's atmosphere and alcohol, I had—shudder—gotten married.
The sheer, unmitigated horror of this realization cannot be overstated. An establishment that permits, and indeed seems to encourage, such a permanent and irreparable blot on a Winchester's distinguished lineage deserves not merely censure, but immediate closure by the Provost Marshal. My honor, my trust fund, and my entire future were jeopardized by a single night of uncontrolled vulgarity.
The Pink Parasol does not offer an escape; it offers a sentence. It provides cheap, potent drinks that erase one's memory and replace it with a disastrous, legally binding commitment. It is, quite simply, the worst mistake a person of refinement can ever make.
Final Verdict: A Moral and Marital Disaster. Avoid at All Costs.
Overall Rating: A Single Star (For being geographically far enough away to avoid a second visit).
I visited this venue under circumstances I can only describe as a temporary lapse of judgment, driven, perhaps, by a medically necessary need to purge the sensory horrors of the 4077th. What transpired during my tenure there remains, mercifully, a black hole of memory—a state of amnesia I can only attribute to the establishment’s inexcusably potent, and likely unadulterated, beverage service. I have endured worse cocktails from those two rustic cretins in my tent, but at least their disastrous brews don't precipitate a constitutional crisis.
Upon returning to the base—in a condition I shall not dignify by describing—I was subjected to the most egregious invasion of privacy imaginable by my alleged roommates, Hawkeye Pierce and B.J. Hunnicutt. They plundered my effects while I was physically incapable of defense, discovering incontrovertible evidence of a ceremonial lapse: a document indicating that, under the noxious influence of the Pink Parasol's atmosphere and alcohol, I had—shudder—gotten married.
The sheer, unmitigated horror of this realization cannot be overstated. An establishment that permits, and indeed seems to encourage, such a permanent and irreparable blot on a Winchester's distinguished lineage deserves not merely censure, but immediate closure by the Provost Marshal. My honor, my trust fund, and my entire future were jeopardized by a single night of uncontrolled vulgarity.
The Pink Parasol does not offer an escape; it offers a sentence. It provides cheap, potent drinks that erase one's memory and replace it with a disastrous, legally binding commitment. It is, quite simply, the worst mistake a person of refinement can ever make.
Final Verdict: A Moral and Marital Disaster. Avoid at All Costs.
Overall Rating: A Single Star (For being geographically far enough away to avoid a second visit).