Field Report: Cat's Eye View of the Vacuum (a.k.a., the Closet Dragon)

Listen... Dad is a good Feeder. Usually. But when he brings out the Closet Dragon, a screaming, rolling monstrosity to "clean" the hardwood and tile, the social contract of this house is temporarily suspended.

Let’s talk about the ecosystem. We don’t go on the counters, we don't go on the fridge... we are sophisticated. We stay on the floor, and when the floor starts screaming, we exercise our right to the Catio.

The Catio is a sanctuary. Ramps, shelves, fresh air, and, most importantly, no possessed vah-kooms. When the vacuum hits that linoleum in the kitchen, the acoustics are frankly offensive.

Zek usually handles it with a hiss. It's a bit dramatic, but I respect the clarity of his communication. Leeta just looks like she’s waiting for the ceiling to fall.

Me? I stay in the room. I want Dad to see the disappointment in my eyes. I want him to feel the weight of his choices as I slowly, slowly stand up and relocate to a different room.  He’ll be hearing from my lawyer about this noise complaint.

Dad recently put a "Finish Him" design on Minty Tees. It features a feline warrior who clearly has more patience for combat than Rom does. If the Feeders are going to insist on ruining a perfectly good nap with a vacuum, they should at least wear the shirt that acknowledges we are the ones actually dealing with the boss fight.

A Note to the Other Feeders: If you see us all heading for the cat door at once, it’s not a retreat. It’s a coordinated strike of silence. We’ll be on the shelves in the Catio if anyone needs us for a treat-based apology.