Name: Bilbo Baggins
Review: The One Ring (Gold, found in situ)
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5)
The Good:
The craftsmanship is extraordinary—sixty years in a waistcoat pocket and not a single scratch. The "stealth" feature is seamless; no incantations required, just a quick slip onto the finger and you are conveniently invisible to every Sackville-Baggins in the Shire. It also has a remarkable anti-aging effect; I’ve told the neighbors it’s the brisk walking, but we both know it’s the jewelry. It fits perfectly every time, almost as if it has a mind of its own.
The Bad:
The "customer support" is a bit aggressive. The previous owner, a damp fellow named Gollum, was quite territorial and followed me through a mountain screaming about a "birthday present." Also, there is a faint whispering feature that can be a bit soothing, though it did wake me up twice last Tuesday.
The Service:
I recently tried to "return" the item to my nephew, Frodo, and found the process surprisingly difficult. A wizard had to get involved, and there was a bit of a scene on the floor of Bag End. I’m in Rivendell now, and while the food is excellent, I find I miss it. I find I want it back. I find that five stars isn't enough. I find—
[This review has been edited 9 times]
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Comments:
@Gandalf_The_Grey: Bilbo, leave the ring. I cannot stress this enough. Stop posting about it on the palantír.
@Gollum_Official: ⭐☆☆☆☆ THIEF! FILTHY HOBBITSES! WE WANTS OUR PRECIOUSSS BACK.
@Sauron_Official: [This account has been suspended for Terms of Service violations]
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