AD READ — 60 SECONDS — TALENT: SPOCK — PRODUCT: WHITE CLAW
[Deliver with warmth and enthusiasm]
I have conducted an analysis of human recreational beverage consumption patterns spanning 4.7 decades of observation.
The data is… concerning.
You consume beverages that impair your judgment, compromise your motor functions, and result in decisions that you subsequently find difficult to explain to your commanding officer.
And yet you continue.
Fascinating.
White Claw Hard Seltzer presents a more logical alternative.
100 calories. 2 grams of carbohydrates. 5% alcohol by volume. Available in 17 flavors, several of which are tolerable.
It is, by measurable standards, the most efficient path to whatever it is you are attempting to achieve on a Friday evening.
I cannot speak to the flavor from personal experience. I can speak to the data. The data is… acceptable.
Humans require social lubrication. This is not a flaw. It is simply an inefficiency I have learned to account for when scheduling away missions.
White Claw provides that lubrication at a caloric cost that will not compromise your performance the following morning.
This is logical.
You have my recommendation.
Live long and drink responsibly.
[Spock has requested it be noted that he wrote this script himself and that nobody told him to say “drink responsibly.” He arrived at that conclusion independently.]
Use code VULCAN at checkout.
Offer is logical. Exceptions are not.]