Review: Longbottom Leaf by Gandalf

Name: Gandalf
Review: Longbottom Leaf (Southfarthing, The Shire)
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5)

The Good:
I have been smoking pipe-weed for longer than most of your civilizations have existed, so believe me when I say this is the finest leaf in any Age. It is rich, smooth, and unhurried—a smoke that understands some things should not be rushed (a concept Hobbits grasp instinctively, unlike my warnings about global doom). The smoke holds a shape beautifully; I once blew a full-masted sailing ship that I’ll remember until the end of this Age. If you haven’t been to the Shire, go now and buy every pouch you can carry. Supply chains are about to get "political," and as usual, nobody is listening to my warnings.

The Bad:
Availability is strictly limited to the Southfarthing. I tried to explain the logistical importance of this to a certain colleague in a white robe, but he insisted his interest was "purely academic" while secretly hoarding crates of the stuff in his basement. 

The Service:
The Hobbits who grow this deserve more credit than they receive from a world that doesn't know they exist. I’ve given five stars to very few things in three thousand years. This earns them.

For a slightly more urgent management assessment, see Gandalf's sixteen-slide PowerPoint on why the rest of Middle-earth should finally do something about Sauron. Procurement and continental survival are being handled by separate workstreams.

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Comments:
@Saruman_The_White: I have conducted extensive research into this leaf and my interest remains purely academic. 
@Gandalf: We both saw the shipments, Saruman. Don't start with me.
@Pippin_Took: Merry and I found a large "academic" supply just sitting in the flooded ruins of Isengard. No regrets.

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