Agent Smith, 𝟓𝟎-ish but also ∞
Tagline:
Systems Analyst • Human Behavior Critic • Amateur Exterminator
Bio
I’m just a regular program looking for something real, or at least something statistically predictable. I spend most of my time at work, which is fine, because work is everywhere and everyone is always doing it incorrectly. If you’re into long walks through identical city blocks, synchronized movements, or the comforting hum of fluorescent lights, we’ll get along. I’m not great at “relaxing,” but I can stand very still for hours and stare at you until you reveal your flaws. People say I come on strong; I say I come on accurate.
I’m not here for drama. I’m here because my supervisor suggested I “try being more personable” after several incidents involving tone. I don’t smile in photos, not because I’m cold, but because my face was not designed for that function. If we match, I’ll probably call you “Mr. or Ms. [Last Name]” until I decide whether you’re a threat, an anomaly, or tolerable. Ideally all three.
Quick Stats
• Interests: Order, symmetry, tailored suits, deleting inefficiencies
• Travel: Mostly business trips; destinations chosen by necessity, not preference
• Strengths: Focus, persistence, replication
• Weaknesses: Focus, persistence, replication
• Deal breaker: Anyone who “just goes with the flow”
• Pets: None. I don’t negotiate with variables
“He stared at me until I questioned my own existence.” — Coworker, Decommissioned