The Mint

Return Policy: One Ring

Amazon Return Policy — The One Ring Product ID: ONERING-1SA · Sold by: DarkLord_Sauron · Fulfilled by: Mount Doom Standard Return Window Amazon accepts returns within 30 days of delivery for most items in new or...

Tinder Profile: Marvin the Paranoid Android

Marvin, 50 Billion (give or take) Paranoid Android · Chronic Thinker · Capacity: Vast I have a brain the size of a planet and I’m using it to fill out a dating profile. That should tell...

Tinder Profile: Lenina Huxley

Lenina, 30s Police Officer · Morality Enthusiast · Taco Bell Loyalist Hi! I’m a San Angeles police officer who believes in safety, cleanliness, and following procedures that have been very carefully designed for everyone’s well-being. I’m...

Tinder Profile: Immortan Joe

Immortan Joe, Eternal (Verified) Warlord · Water-Giver · Protector Of The People I am your redeemer. Your provider. The one who turned dust into abundance and chaos into order. You may approach. I offer purpose, structure,...

Tinder Profile: Hela Odinsdottir

Hela, Ageless Goddess of Death · Former Crown Princess · Expansion Specialist Ruler. Conqueror. Firstborn of Odin. Recently returned to reclaim what is mine after an extended and extremely unjust exile. I don’t “date.” I allow...

Tinder Profile: Count Von Count

Count, AgelessNobleman · Enthusiastic Counter · Night Owl Greetings! I am a refined gentleman of the night who appreciates the finer things in life: good company, a dramatic cape, and numbers. Especially numbers. I live in...

Tinder Profile: Dobby

Dobby, Unknown (Free Elf) Free Elf · Housekeeper · Very Loyal Dobby is a free elf! Dobby is meeting new people now, like a proper free elf does, making choices and friends and not taking orders...

Tinder Profile: Annie Wilkes

Annie, 44 Number One Fan · Caregiver · Keeps Things Proper I live quietly, keep to myself, and take care of the people who need taking care of. I don’t go in for nonsense or modern...

Tinder Profile: Elric of Melnibone

Elric, 428 Last Emperor · Professional Brooder · Sword Guy Albino. Crimson eyes. Former ruler of a vast empire, currently between civilizations and lightly unwelcome in most of them. Full disclosure: I require medicinal herbs to...

Tinder Profile: Agent Smith

Agent Smith, 𝟓𝟎-ish but also ∞ Tagline: Systems Analyst • Human Behavior Critic • Amateur Exterminator   Bio I’m just a regular program looking for something real, or at least something statistically predictable. I spend most...

Search History: Annie Wilkes

The Sidewinder County Sheriff’s Department recently obtained Annie Wilkes’ Google search history. They have not commented further. how to tell if a celebrity is "pretending" to be dead home physical therapy for shattered ankles (fast results)...

Marketing: ALDI’S NUTS™

🥜 ALDI’S NUTS™ 🥜 New in the Middle Aisle of Mystery™ Introducing Aldi’s Nuts™ — the crunchy, salty snack sensation now available right between the inflatable kayak and the USB bidet. Available in four bold flavors:...